i smoke
for silence
it’s the only thing that quiets
the voices in my head
i drink
to forget
that i seek silence
that’s when i say
all the things better left unsaid
i sleep
out of habit
but in my dreams i don’t find solace
for me there is no rest
i wake
for life
because even though i can’t see it
i am still here for a reason.

unfettered
but still tethered
to what makes me
me
all that I am
is what i spout
so eloquently
verses of word
nouns and verbs
from the believable
to the completely absurd
each is a little piece of me
the kind of stuff
they auction silently
not correcting disparity
or seeking a higher
element for clarity
this is reality
and its a rarity
but here it is
raw in the flesh
no need to fear me
and all my flaws
so many
that i can’t count them
and now matter how hard i try
i will never surmount them
when you are born to be
someone like me
its just a natural occurrence
there is no breaking free

so I came around
yeah I found my way
and when I saw you
i had nothing to say
my thoughts and words
all just melted away

i climbed and climbed
until I ran out of rope
that’s when I heard the laughing
i guess now I’m the joke
nothing but empty mouths
and all I did was choke

when your hand glides
past your ears
to brush away your hair
and then pauses
to let your fingers
drag along
the base of your neck
i sigh and grind
my big wild smile
cause i know
the curve that slopes
to meet your shoulder
the way it flows
and meets your
fingers
i know it well
its where my mouth
rests easy

i bite my bottom lip
as i calculate
my hands next move

when you lean forward
slightly bent at the waist
and I catch the scent
that lingers long
after the taste
the one that
brings me to my knees
and puts a smile on my face

when you sigh
riddle the complexities
of life
and it miscellaneous
intricacies
when you declare
knowledge is the nectar
and we are its fruit
and life isn’t as meaningless
as is its pursuit

yes, its these things
that are my triggers
i feel it necessary
to spill them
from my fingers
compelled to record
and document
trials and errors

i’m only here
to keep you
smiling
and If I can
steal your breath
you know I will

for every mile
in an elevator
riding its cables
stretched end
to end
lingering with
downward gazed
see you laters
and maybes
that tomorrow
there will be
a better opportunity
there is still
today

you can
go to sleep
i will
stay awake
sailing this ship
from place to place
and when
we get to
our port of call
you’ll
hear this
empty sound
steel walls
echoing
a reply
time to
wake up
pry your
eyes open
let the light
wake you
let the light
creep in
there isn’t
just one thing
there is only
everything
i don’t want
your love
i don’t want
your soul
but i need
all of you

her eyes are darting
scanning the room
for something to
remind her not too
and if you pay attention
you’ll see her lips parting
so a sigh can escape
as she realizes
this course I’m charting
plows right through her
devouring
her soul
feeling wet
with the weight of my eyes
pressing in
on the taste of skin
i’m soaked through
my mouth is full
with the taste of you
i can’t erase
the time or the days
and for each that comes
it feels as if
it will never fade
she says
no! no. no.
but I know
i know i know
she means
yes! yes! yes!
she’s just as
hesitant
and now lust
consumes our thoughts

i will
hold it in
you will
laugh out loud
it will
be like yesterday
or any other day
that will
never come back around
and so i smile
just for now
fuck time
fuck the cause
all its promises
of previously arranged
end of life commitments
just for now
but instead
i will sink down
with my makeshift frown
burrowing
into the throws
and furrow
where my
conscious riddles
keep it close
for what she knows
push her away
if feelings show
and never regret
anything that hasn’t happened yet

its not guilt that restricts me
but the glimmer of happiness
that escapes me
all the easier
to forget
breathing ceases
my eyes vignette
the edges disappear
and i remember
the ways i can find you