i don’t want to
sound like a
sad sappy
mother fucker
but i’m bereft
now that
not a sign
is left
you’ve
disappeared
i’ve been cleared
from all
thoughts
forlorn
to decay
with all the
forget me nots
a flaw
a flaw
no matter
how small
is enough
to make
my skin crawl
so i
find myself
stressed
under duress
my mind
churns out
more thoughts
than i can
possibly
digest
and no matter
how hard i try
to shake it
I still feel useless
fetal position
quiver and try
to make sense
but it’s hard to
when everything
comes up fictitious
lies now surmount
the ones that
were dispelled previous
and the empty
hollow shell
grows more obvious
its not a moment
captured
but a prison cell
that never releases
its captives
history lessons
if history has
taught me one thing
its that i never
learn anything
data banks
biologically
our minds can
only hold so much
and with a rush
new sensations
i find my
data banks are full
with so many
things to forget
i cant choose
which ones
to keep
which to
pass through
the membrane
between skull
and brain
release to the
ions of carbon
permeating
every living cell
recall a taste
then it fades
a forever imprinted
isotope decay
a past in pencil
if i could erase
the past
i would, delete all the curves my mind has mapped
but
i would
leave
intact
the intricate pattern
flecks of brown
and gold
indiscriminately matched
geometric shapes
fused by hands of
something greater than
any of us….
that is, the intricate pattern formed in your iris
perpetuity
be it of
land or sea
of earthly descent
or heavenly
the second i
find myself longing
in perpetuity
the faster
the feeling
depletes
you see
i have
a tendency
to love that
which will never
love me
birthday presents
who wants to
be reminded of
everything they ever
did wrong
happy birthday
who wants to kick in
the teeth of
the one who’s smiling
happy birthday
33 years
to the day
what a way to say
happy birthday
last year
no presents
just a kiss
this year is
a reminder
nothing good
ever happened on this day
happy birthday
take a deep breath now
and blow the candles out
make a wish,
make sure
you have something
left to long for…
happy birthday.
makes you
if it makes you
feel good
if it makes you
remember
if it makes you…
make it
happen
scrape and pry
hating the seconds
that form
every minute
in every hour
of every day
disgusted with
this transference
its not
victim-less
it steals my
breath away
scrape and pry
get your
dirty little
finger nails
under the edge
and apply
upward pressure
scrape and pry
claw and dig
do what it takes
until you hit
what your
looking for
tired
i’m tired of all the women
i surround myself with
that’s why i
sacrifice hours and hours
and hours